| | Life is challenging. Espesially when things seem so complicated... I've
been enduring the struggles of my personal life. Mentally, physically,
emotionally, spiritually. Although i've been put through all this, i
come to realize that it is all a test from Him. All the crap i have
experienced has led me to the conclusion that life itself is a test.
Every situation i go through, every emotion i've felt, every
insecurity, everything i feel has been planned to happen in my life
before time began. It may be hard to grasp this concept, but this is
what i believe.
I have been a believer in Jesus since i was six, however i didn't
realize how much He meant to me until the past few years, where i've
been going through episodes of depression, hypomanic depression, weird
mood changes, unstability in my mind... man.. i've been through a lot..
Hospitalizations, medications, group therapy, suicidal thoughts, self
harm, drug abuse, broken friendships.. and the list goes on.. I don't
see these things as a past burden, but instead i see them as something
to learn from. There is a saying that says, "The most important things
you learn in life are through the our worst experiences." This is so
true in my situation. I'm not saying i've enjoyed or love to go through
hurt and suffering. What i'm trying to say is that we go through a lot
of things that make us challenged to face our futures.
For me, my future is inevitable. I can't stop what's going to happen to
me, but i can change my attitude towards it. Because of my faith in God
I can see through all my problems, burdens and look to Him. When i
focus on my problems, i will be anxious. If i focus on God and let Him
take care of me, I do not need to be worried of my furture because He
is in control of every situation in my life. I don't need to be worried
about the past, present, or future because i am secure in Him. That's
what matters to me at this point in my life and it is my prayer that i
will continue to be as long as i do what i need to do in order to stay
"Fresh".
I quit smoking on the 9th of September. That was the day i attended a
youth rally where the theme of the night was "Times of Refreshing."
After the games, the music, the testimonies it became serious. Not
literally. The preacher was funny and too cool to be his age. I admire
him for being real. During his message I wasn't really into the whole
refresh thing.. i listened to the message of his sermon. Repentance of
my sin. It was hard to let go of my sin, mainly smoking. I was addicted
to cigarettes, even to the point where after the tears of
overwhelming conviction i still went out of the building to look for
cigarettes on the floor that i could pick up and smoke.. i was ashamed
of that. But God is good. Oh yes he is.. Because of that night I am
free from bondage of sin in my life and a servant of my Brother and
King, Jesus. His love has kept me from freezing to death, spared my
physical health from being too messed up, saved me. Yes, Jesus truly
saves. and my life is a living proof of that love. If it wasn't for
Jesus Christ who was nailed to the cross. The lamb of God who was
slain. The only way to be freed from slavery to sin. I would not be in
front of this computer typing this journal entry. He was, He is, He
will be my sustaining grace.
I have hope for the future He has prepared for me. And i will look to
Him for help, guidance, peace to keep me from falling from Him. I know
i will face tough times in the future. The future looks challenging,
but I have Him to be my mercy and grace, and my Saviour.
"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4:13
-ji
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| | Posted 10/25/2006 9:07 PM - 14 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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